Fantasy Football Poetry

The Razzball NGFFW Contest is spawning a number of great entries that never see the light of day. One of these was Rick Thomas‘ poetry-riddled piece describing the DeAngelo re-signing. Obviously any fantasy column delivered in verse is perfect for Money in the Banana Stand.

A Royal Disaster

It did seem like a conclusion foregone/ The landscape manicured, tidy and neat/ To new lands a gallant prince would move on/ And for the crown a young prince would compete

Stony mountains would this gallant prince climb/ Rising to see a familiar face/ Thwarting the dreams of another young prince/ Whom rumor deemed not quite fit for the race

Yes, it was all coming together to finally allow the Carolina Panthers’ Jonathan Stewart to become that top 5 running back we had all been dreaming about for years.  The Denver Broncos’ new coach was John Fox, the new staff and the old staff didn’t think much of Knowshon Moreno, and everyone knows that Fox likes to run the ball.  Most were penciling in DeAngelo Williams as the starter, and some were even willing to use ink.  I was certainly one of the latter, trading Williams and Stevie Johnson for Jonathan Stewart, knowing there was no way that I would get Stewart once DeAngelo-to-Denver was a reality.

But lo! Do the summer nights bring infernal tempests fierce/ This one ravaging all but a few/  Only in the Valley of Sir Raleigh did they rejoice/  Where the gallant prince returned anew

But outside this happy valley did they weep/  Did they gnash their teeth, tear clothes and hair/ For deep into their souls did a darkness creep/ Building harbor for pain and despair

Five years, $43 million!  $21 million guaranteed!  For a 28-year-old running back who has spent a lot of the last two years on the sidelines?  Unthinkable just a few weeks before, this nightmare began to appear plausible when we stared hearing that the Panthers would be “very aggressive” in free-agency, that DeAngelo wanted to be a lifelong Panther, that insiders were giving Carolina the edge…and though it seemed to defy all logic, this is what the Panthers decided to do.  It appeared that they were “rewarding” DeAngelo for his commitment to the team and his service thus far.  How quaint.

Despite calamity, all is not lost/ For a canvas does destruction make/ Another young prince now stood unfettered/ An old hand another chance to take

Among many others in the land/ New opportunities did abound/ When one stopped looking “on the one hand”/ On the other, good news had been found

So, yes, sadly, it appears that Jonathan Stewart’s breakout campaign is on hold for at least another season.  But since DeAngelo didn’t sign in Denver, Willis McGahee did, and it looks like McGahee will have an opportunity to be a good fantasy player there, at least in the short-term.  Latest word out of Denver is that McGahee is going to be the goal-line back.  Getting McGahee out of Baltimore is also a relief to Ray Rice owners, who now only have to worry about 34-year-old Ricky Williams siphoning carries, and word from the Ravens coaching staff is that Rice will now get the goal-line carries there.

The domino effect of this re-signing continues into Miami, where the Dolphins, barely able to compete in the DeAngelo sweepstakes, signed Reggie Bush and currently list him atop their depth chart at running back.  Daniel Thomas owners aren’t thrilled, but a Bush signing is better news for Thomas owners than an Ahmad Bradshaw signing, who was the other possibility there.  Bush-to-Miami also opens up more room for Lance Moore to make plays in New Orleans, and adds a little steam to the Mark Ingram bandwagon.

And hush, not too loud, but there is a sleeper in Denver, and his name is Jeremiah Johnson.  With only 29-year-old McGahee and possible-bust-and-injury-prone Knowshon Moreno in the way, Johnson could get his opportunity in Denver sooner rather than later.  Johnson scored a touchdown in the Broncos first preseason game, but the cat isn’t out of the bag quite yet, so grab him in dynasty leagues and in the late rounds of deep redraft leagues.  Don’t wait around for this new prince to be crowned.


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