This JL3 preseason piece was originally done for a different site but fell by the wayside due to a disagreement over the viability of value-based drafting. I wanted it for the Banana Stand even though it now functions more as retrospective. To learn more about JL3, check out The Officials Are All Right.
Fantasy football can be a natural, zesty experience, but unfortunately there are some people – it is called value-based drafting in men and is relatively unknown in women – who engage in it compulsively and without joy.
Nassim Taleb tells us the unknown unknown does not exist within the sporting arena, which suggests The Last Boy Scout falls outside his scope of textual criticism (or that he realizes it’s, you know, fiction). It’s time to forego the pretense of predictability. Despite our prophet’s protestations, you should be looking to acquire the Black Swan All-Stars.
The No. 1 Pick
Rise of the Machines
Calvin Johnson exploded for 1,681 yards and 16 TDs in 2011. Megatron possesses the eerie power to morph from Jerry Rice to Randy Moss to Terrell Owens as the situation requires. While others are preaching regression, risk-takers will reap the rewards when he eventually posts a 2,000-yard, 20-TD season.
Viraled off greens prior to training camp, Julio Jones will be the next player ascending into the pantheon of mechanical gods. With his startling visage and otherworldly physical gifts, Jones looks the part. The Falcon was nipped by A.J. Green in rookie year efficiency, but he possessed a significant edge in routes per snap. Poised to flip roles with annual target leader Roddy White, Jones should finish second to Wes Welker in total receptions and post double digit touchdowns.
Don’t succumb to the ‘RB is ultra-thin’ argument. Megatron and Starscream should be 1A and 1B on your board. Continue reading 1st Round Strategy Session: A Look Back
Editor’s Note: Jeffrey Lebowski III is the nom de plume of a man whose nom de guerre happens to be the most interesting man in the world. I was critical of the first part and skeptical of the second part, but as he explained, ‘the Big Lebowski is One, the Dude is Two, and I’m the Third, fairly obvious.’ When I suggested that’s not how ‘the Third’ worked exactly, he responded simply, ‘Capitalizing.’ As for the other part, he claimed he’d never ‘run a marathon because it was on his way,’ except for when he delivered the news of Athens’ victory, but that ‘they got the rest of it right.’ I can confirm that JLIII is one of the best fantasy football players in the world and that he uses a strategy he calls ‘force of will.’ JLIII doesn’t always write football columns, but when he does, he writes them for the Banana Stand.
The Officials Are All Right
Well, this was going to be a more convincing column before that atrocity of a final drive on Monday night, but I’m standing behind the replacement officials. Sure, that last play cost me an undefeated season with my juggernaut squad, Obsolete Vernacular, but, hey, that’s why you bat the ball down. If you catch it, then a guy can do what Golden Tate smartly did and simulate simultaneous possession.
I feel like I’m back at the Salem Witch Trials. Have people forgotten how bad the regular officials are? Have they forgotten that plays like this are the reason commentators have been arguing for full time officials? I may have missed something in the negotiations, but I don’t believe that’s on the table.
If you have forgotten, the officiating was so bad in Super Bowl XL that when you google ‘Pittsburgh Seattle Super’ the third possible search category appends the word fixed.
Apparently nobody remembers Calvin Johnson’s stolen game-winning touchdown. The ruling on that play was so absurd the comically evil and surprisingly incompetent Bill Polian is quoted as saying ‘those of us who know the rule understand that’s the call’ at the same time that the NFL was supposedly admitting they missed the call in one of those clandestine communiques to the Lions. Continue reading The Officials Are All Right